I don’t think of myself as much of a girly girl. I mean I wear make-up on dates with my husband. I like to put on a dress for special occasions and I do love sitting in one of those vibrating chairs at the nail salon and having someone paint my toes. I do not however get excited about weddings, showers, or babies. I desperately tried to avoid going to my own wedding, but was unsuccessful in finding a stand in my husband approved of. I was able to avoid a wedding shower by agreeing to go wine tasting with a few friends instead, but the baby shower I couldn’t seem to shake. It’s actually amazing I made it through that dreaded affair without puking. All of this points to the fact that I never ever thought in a million years I’d be blogging about babies and mommyhood and yet here I am seven months in and not only needing an outlet for my thoughts, ideas, and experiences as a new working mom, but also hoping I might help at least one new mom out there by recounting some of what I am learning. Before I launch into the practical I’d like to introduce you to some of my pregnancy highlights.
I should explain that I was one of those women that when thinking of pregnancy, had visions of sugar plum fairies dance in my head. I mean when you think of a sugar plum fairy do you not envision her rosy cheeks and a far off peaceful look in her eye? I may not daydream about babies, but I did my fair share of daydreaming about what I imagined to be the joys of pregnancy. I am fascinated by the complexities of the human body and therefore very much anticipated this time when my body would grow another human being. Also, I’ve always led a fairly healthy lifestyle so I thought pregnancy complaints like morning sickness and back pain were things I would be immune to. Man was I wrong. Lifestyle may impact much when it comes to the physical, but it seemed to do nothing for my experience of pregnancy. Not only was I slammed with 9 months of almost constant nausea and frequent puking, I suffered from every joint pain imaginable and looking back some depression as well. You hear about postpartum depression, but depression during pregnancy isn’t something I had been schooled on. Aren’t most women ecstatic upon seeing the positive sign on the pregnancy stick? Doesn’t that feeling of ecstasy only increase as the baby grows and motherhood becomes more imminent?
Hormones are powerful and although I knew that from previous mood altering experiences with the birth control pill I had no idea what I was in for here. This was a baby I thought I desperately wanted yet as the progesterone levels rose I became more and more unsure that I could go the distance. I tried everything imaginable to combat the nausea and vomiting in the first trimester: vitamins, no vitamins, acupuncture, more food, no food, apple cider vinegar, the list goes on. Women told me the end of this phase was near as I came upon week 11, but when weeks 13 and 14 and 15 came and went with no relief I began to accept that I might very well be pregnant and puking for the rest of this pregnancy. I was. Luckily the puking came much less frequently after month 7, but let’s be honest puking for that many months in a row puts a damper on things!
When I stopped trying to change this and accepted it for what it was I did start to feel a little better. All in all though, pregnancy for me sucked. Throughout pregnancy I envied the women who had sugar plum fairy experiences. Now that I’m on the other side though I can say that although challenging my struggles gave me a much easier transition into mommyhood than I think someone with a blissful pregnancy might have. I had nine months of doing not much else than dragging myself to work to sit next to their trashcan and then going home for a bath and bed. I pulled back from extra projects and hobbies. My social calendar stayed empty as well. When baby came along I wasn’t jolted as strongly into a different life. I had already changed so many of my habits. I told people in the early weeks after birth that postpartum was a breeze compared to pregnancy and I felt that way through and through. As the memories of pregnancy have become blurry though, I find myself struggling more with mommy world. Again, this blog is an outlet for some of what has already been and for some of the things that are yet to come. My desire is to live well so that my son can live well too. Welcome to our story. Welcome to our world.